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Archive for October, 2012

Sorry I have not posted in a while. Things are going alright as they can be in a hotel room with two kids that are ages 5 and 2…and my trusty hubby too! Oh, and our two cats.

Things have been hectic as we deal with the move. Last week we watched our things get packed up and I about cried when I saw my kitchen put into boxes. Silly, I know, but baking and cooking have really become a passion for me. I find solace in my kitchen. I am so thankful we had a dear friend watch the boys so they didn’t have fits of their own watching toys get packed.

Then we did our usual Vigil Mass and I teared up because two of our favorite priests were there (including the one that baptized our youngest). The closing song was “Irish Blessing”, I tried to sing as usual and kept choking back tears and stopped. Afterwards there were many hugs and many more tears.

Fr. Manny gave me a blessing when I spoke with him after Mass. That meant a lot. He called upon my Guardian Angel. He has a real devotion to them and I will never forget him teaching the children that during one of his homilies. Ever since that day, our oldest recites, “Angel of God, my guardian dear. To whom God’s love commits me here. Ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, rule and guide.”

Sunday we spent six hours cleaning the house (I know, day of rest, but we could not put it off). Walls were scrubbed, outside was cleaned up, detail cleaning to the bathrooms, heavy duty vacuuming, and every inch of carpet was rug scrubbed with just the hubby and I. Thankfully, the boys entertained themselves with a small bag of toys we had them stow away so they had something to play with while we moved.

Add in homework to the mix (no assignment last week, thankfully!), and I had scarcely any time to get on here. My final assignment for this class is turned in and I am left dreading a Senior level finance class that starts next week…mid-move.

Monday I handed over the keys to the house and to the mail box. It was rather bittersweet. We grew to love that house we called home for just over 3 years. May the good Lord guide us to finding just the right home for us again!

Today, our oldest had his last day of speech at the school. They had a small party which was a nice send off for him. He was really upset he won’t see his speech teacher again. She has worked so hard with him over this past year. His speech has improved a great deal and he is almost on target for his age. May his new one be just as dedicated as she was!

Here is to new beginnings!

God Bless!

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Moving words

Today we attended Sunday Mass instead of our usual Saturday Vigil. The priest my husband deployed with did the service today and we had a chance to chat before Mass began. Everyone then informed him it was our last Sunday there. At the end he called us forward to bid us farewell. He went on to explain how we had done a lot for our community and that it was sad we were moving on. He commended us on our strong marriage and then said the words that got the water works flowing (not just me, but the priest himself), “The Lord giveth and he taketh away.”

It had a double meaning…He gave us to this base and is taking us some where new. He also gave us that sweet baby that he took back to Heaven not long ago. Yes, our priest was well aware of what we just went through. In fact, I had contacted him about burying the baby once I miscarried. He directed me to who I needed to contact. He even said a Mass for our sweet angel.

Those in the parish that knew what had recently happened were crying along with us. So many people came up to us and wished us well and that they too knew the pains of miscarriage. It blew me away and I had to keep digging in my purse for tissues.

Next Saturday will be our last Mass here. I know I am going to need to refill my tissues again. I love this community. We were all there for each other. I pray we have the same kind of support in our next duty station.

God Bless.

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The global support for Natalie has been amazing! Here is what her mom had to say:

God is good and I am overwhelmed that so many people are willing to get tested to see if they’re a kidney match for my little girl, Natalie. Unfortunately, due to time contraints, only people living within the U.S. can test at this time. When blood is drawn, it needs to be immediately FedEx’d to New Mexico for testing and the least amount of travel time is needed. For those of you in Indonisia, my little girl IS 1/3 Indonisian so the fact that YOU are willing to get tested totally filled my heart with joy!!! Please keep her in your prayers. Pray that we are able to find a match and she can start living life like a normal 9 year old girl should. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!!!

God Bless!

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Post Miscarriage

Today the bleeding stopped from the miscarriage. The hubby and I rejoiced because that means we can have intimate relations again. However, I stopped myself and mentioned an ovulation kit so we can dodge getting pregnant again for a while. He then prodded me to get the kit and I did. Soon as I got home I tool the test.

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I am ovulating. That means no nookie for us :(. It has been almost two months since I was put on pelvic rest and then told to wait until the bleeding stopped. What’s another couple days, right? :p

I am also curious as to when my cycle will return. With the D&C my cycle came exactly 28 days after the procedure. I have no clue when my miscarriage process began. I had nearly two months of spotting/bleeding, it all kinda blurs together.

Thanks for all the support and prayers.

God Bless.

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Please Help Natalie!

In case you all cannot read the text in the photo: Hi! My name is Natalie Frances Mirage. I’m 9 years old and I attend Lundy Elementary school in El Paso, Texas. I love to swim, jump, and play like other girls. But I have been diagnosed with a rare kidney disease called Good Pasture Syndrome. This disease attacked my kidneys and made both of them fail. I need a new kidney very soon so I can live a healthy life. My blood type is O and if there is anyone willing and able to find it in their heart to donate one of their kidneys to me then they would have to be O also. The O blood type can be O+ or O-. We not only need a kidney, but we need people to help spread the word about me needing a kidney. Please call my Mom, Patti Mirage at 423-747-3604 or email pat_mirage@hotmail.com, if you would please like to help me in anyway. Thank you all for any help that you can give to me and for hopefully helping me save my life.
Sincerely,
Natalie Mirage & Family

I have contacted this sweet girl’s mother and am excited to start the process on getting tested to see if I am a match. I am O+ and I am hoping and praying that either I am a match or that she does get a match. Roughly 30% of our population is a match for her. Getting tested is just taking the time to get to a lab and having a couple vials of blood drawn. Yes, there is paperwork too, but suck it up for this little girl! I am about to call the woman orchastrating this so I can jump on the paperwork and see if we’re a match.

God Bless

P.S. Share this blog post wherever you can so we can cast a wider net and improve the chances on finding a match.

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It is done

Today is the day many of us pause and remember our babies who grew wings and went to heaven. Today is also when I went to the OB in hopes of the miscarriage induction drug (forgive me for not remembering the name). I had grown weary of the waiting and feared that I would be bleeding all over in a hotel room as we moved. The nurse whisked me into an exam room and asked the usual questions. She assumed that I had been spotting since 4 October when the HB was no longer present. I had to correct her and say 3 September is when the spotting started. She looked shocked and went to hunt down my OB.

Unfortunately, he was not in but another was willing to see me and wanted labs drawn and a u/s as well. Hcg checks are not fun, especially when you know it is to see the numbers drop and when the tech uses your difficult arm and wiggles the needle around. The tech finally listened to me when my right arm would just not give her a single drop of blood. Oddly enough, once my left arm was poked, the hole in my right arm started going too.

I had to re-check in at OB after the lab and was taken into yet another exam room. The nurse-midwife explained again the desire for a u/s and Hcg check…that if everything was clear and my numbers were dropping there would be no need for the drug. She went on the hunt for the u/s machine at that point. Soon after, she came back with the portable u/s and we saw absolutely nothing in my uterus. Just over a week and a half ago there was a baby there, two week before that, a heartbeat. It hit me like a ton of bricks for a second, then I felt relief.

By the time I got dressed again and the midwife returned with my Hcg numbers…4. My body had passed the baby and I had no idea it had already happened. She spoke with a doctor too and said that I was good, to wait two cycles and try again. Then she gave me a huge hug and told me that I was in her prayers. She told me to take the time I needed to compose myself. I couldn’t bear another second in a room plastered with images of developing babies, photos of infants, and a chart on cervical dilation. I bolted out of there.

Yes, I do feel at peace that this journey is over. I am glad that the physical pain should be gone. Emotionally, it will always be there…nothing fully heals you when you lose a child. It saddens me a little that I never saw my baby after it passed. Maybe it was just God taking extra good care of me, knowing the past few weeks had been rough enough. When we are ready, we will try to get pregnant. This one was an oops, but still very loved and adored.

Tonight I light my candle in memory of all angel babies, not just my own.

God Bless.

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Normally I would still be sleeping at 5:30am. Instead I am curled up in a ball on our couch typing this on my iPad. I would take an Ibuprofen right now, but I want food in my stomach before I take it and I really do not want to eat while my insides are feeling stabbed at in every direction.

Yes, my husband and I are both frustrated this isn’t progressing. We so badly want things “back to normal”. I know he hates to see me in pain too. He blurrily saw me hold onto my lower abdomen this morning and asked if I was alright, “kinda” was my response. With gentle prodding, I elaborated a bit more and told him there was no way I could sleep with this level of pain. That is when I tiptoed out to the living room.

Rewinding a tad, this week has been full of crap getting flung at us. We thought we found a house last weekend. The lease got emailed to us and I read all 10 pages of it and then the packets of info on asbestos and lead. This quaint home was built in the 1950s, high chance of both those horrible things being in the home. The law here says the landlord has to disclose if there is lead and asbestos in the property…the lease simply said, “unknown”. What a cop out. I emailed him after my husband looked it over and saw no military clause. I asked to see a full report on the asbestos, an inspection and assessment on the lead in the home and in the water pipes, and asked for a military clause. He replied back that he wasn’t going to do the testing, sorry it didn’t work out, and that he was mailing our deposit back. Square one again and that means we wasted money to drove there, stay in a craptacular hotel, and eat out when we could have just spent the weekend home.

What is the risk with asbestos? Well, we dreamed of adding shelves to the storage room. That would allow lead and asbestos dust to fly through the house. We already have one child who has respiratory issues when the wind blows around here. I do not want to see all of us like that. What about lead? That handy info packer taught me it could cause I fertility in my husband and I, we still want a girl thank you very much! Should I manage to get pregnant there, it will cause neurological damage to the fetus, generally ending the pregnancy in miscarriage (totally do not want that again!). Then with our living children it can cause ADD, loss of intelligence, and so on. Now do you see why we don’t want to take that risk? FYI, houses built after 1978 have to be lead and asbestos free.

We did try looking again but most rentals want $1,000+ and refuse to take in cats. We have had our loveable fluff balls for almost 9 nears, like hell are we going to give them up. The idea of buying is floating around our heads because we would be able to have our cats that way. Oh, some of you may be thinking why not live on base. 1. Houses built in the 1950s, same stinking risk as the house we wanted. 2. 958 sq ft!!! 3. They want all our BAH for that itty bitty house. 4. 2BR 1bath. To put this in perspective, the house we rent now is about 1,100 sq ft and fits us comfortably, though we did have to build a shed out back to store more of our stuff.

Last night we decided to eat out even though I was ok to cook. I got the enchilada rojas plate and was eager to chow down on it. When it finally came out, I took a bite and it was cold. Not room temp cold, but cold! I touched the beans and rice, same thing. The waiter took it back and I took our youngest to the bathroom. Once we came back, my “new” plate was there. Hubby took our oldest at that point. I carefully looked at the plate, my refried beans were crusty. That does not happen with freshly made, that happens when they microwave it!!! Then I looked to the left at the enchiladas, same ones with the single bite taken out of one of them. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and took one more bite, cold! I pushed the plate away, appetite gone. Yes, it was taken off our check and I will be happy to never return again.

Both boys are coughing again, just like last weekend. Can we please be healthy?!

To look up, I am happy to have my family, that we roll with the punches life throws at us. Hooah for resiliency training! It would be nice for something positive to happen though and for stress to melt away. Maybe some Hail Marys will help me out.

God Bless

***EDIT*** I did do the bath trick again and the contractions tamed down. However, soon as I stood up to shower, they spiked back up again. Contractions have been hitting me for almost 3.5 hours now and Ibuprofen isn’t doing much if anything at all. A good friend did some research and I am going to take 1 vitamin C each hour for six hours (max to take in a day is 6,000mg and I have 1,000mg tablets) to help stimulate the process further. It really won’t hurt anything and I have tried consuming vast amounts of cinnamon too with no real luck. If I can avoid going to the OB or hospital I will be a happy lady.

*EDIT 2* Further research told me that you should avoid Vitamin C with bioflavonoids like rosé hips to speed up miscarriage. It stalls it instead. I really cannot say if it helped me or not because the next day I still had contractions, though not as strong. Then I found out Hcg was at 4 and my uterus was empty. I have no idea when the baby passed, I did not pass any tissue, just very small clots (smaller than half the size of a pea) here and there. Nor have I had any heavy bleeding. The contractions seemed to only be in the morning and that was when most of my spotting would occur.

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